Hard Questions

As you can see by all of the smiling faces, I had a wonderful time reconnecting with my girls in Mombasa over Easter break. They are all so precious to me, and we spent a good long while catching up underneath the mango tree. I was anxious as to who would be there and who I wouldn't see because a "social worker" had taken them back upcountry. I didn't see Lucky. Lucky is a now 11-year-old girl who was brought to Wema off the streets when I was there in 2006. She had run away from home after being subject to much abuse from her stepfather. I remember her first days at Wema, so scared, and scarred; not trusting anyone, wanting no one to touch her. And I also remember seeing her emerge from that scared, protective layer she wore and learn how to jumprope and blow bubbles with the other girls. I was blessed to watch as Lucky learned how to be a child for the first time. It was beautiful! But when the government changed the laws back in December, and Lucky's mother who claims to be sober came to the Wema gate, they had to entrust Lucky back into the hands of this mother. Now, I understand this is a complicated situation. I do think that often times reuniting a child back with his/her rightful parents is an honorable thing and possibly the best thing. But it's still such a hard question, and one that I can't seem to reconcile with this particular situation. Apparently Lucky cried and fought and hung onto the guards because she didn't want to leave. But she didn't have a choice. I don't know if this was the right thing or not. I just know how scared she must have been that everything would happen again. And I asked a housemother, how can we know that the same thing won't happen to Lucky again? And the fact is, we cannot know. There's no system to figure that out here. And who will suffer again if it does happen again? The child will suffer. And there will be no justice. And that infuriates me. Now, I pray and hope that the mother is really sober and the stepfather is not in the picture and Lucky will be taken to school, and she will have enough food to eat at night. But we won't know. And I don't like not knowing these things.

I also had the privilege of spending time with Sandra and I wanted to update you about her situation, as I know many of you have told me you have been praying for her! She has secured a job at a hotel and is living with her sister, Catherine, in a one room house in Mombasa. She is trying to earn enough to help pay back the hospital, so that her aunt and uncle can keep the title to the small plot of land that they owe. She is grateful for you for your monetary gifts you have given, but especially for your prayers for her healing spiritually and emotionally, and physcially still as well. I see so much dignity and beauty in this young lady, and I know she will be just fine. But still, the questions remain. What if this awful thing happens to her again? What if she loses her job? What if the hospital bill never gets resolved and the land is taken away? I don't have those answers. I don't think she does either. So I guess faith is what we choose to stand on, what we must stand on.

And I want to tell you about Keziah, a dear friend who left Wema when I was there, and now has two small children to care for. She went to school with my friend, Paul, and she is my age! Yet when I look at Paul, and look at her, I see such a difference. He is healthy and strong and vibrant. She has an emptiness in her eyes and her soul. And she has AIDS. Keziah's husband infected her with the disease and then left her when she went to a VCT clinic and discovered her status. He has never gone for testing, and is seen in the town with many other women. One of Keziah's children, her son, Christian, is also HIV+ and he was born blind as well. As I spent time with Keziah and her children and we "hung out" and laughed and prayed and cried...I had so many of those hard questions in my head. Every time I see the face and the eyes of AIDS, I have the same questions lingering in my head....Lord, you are a God of justice. So why does this 29 year old mother of two have AIDS and not me? She didn't deserve this disease. She only wanted a family and to provide for them. Lord, what will happen to her and to Christian? And to her lovely daughter who doesn't have this horrible disease? Does she feel special at all? Does she ever feel beautiful? I don't want to fall into the terrible trap of just feeling sorry for her and so many others in this situation. Let me not take her dignity away by judging her or her situation. I just have to pray...Lord, send others into Keziah's life to uplift her, who can minister to her needs. Lord, let her feel loved and feel beautiful today when she lays her head on her pillow at night. Let her feel your love and protection. Lord, help us everywhere, to open our eyes to people and see them just as you see them. Rob Bell says, "When I respect the image of God in others, I protect the image of God in me." Did you know that $48 buys Keziah and her family enough food, medecine and supplies for about 5-6 months? Yep, I know it's hard to believe. I couldn't believe it either, at first! But it's true. They can eat, wash clothes, wash their body, take their meds for 6 months for only $48. And rent would be about $80 more. I kept thinking about all the things I've done with $48 before...bought concert tickets, dinner and alcohol, shoes, clothes, gas.....I'm just rambling here. I don't think we need to feel guilty because she is in this condition and we're not. But do we even know how much we are blessed? And how privileged we are? Just by growing up in America, and being white, at that, I am privileged. And thus, I can't be ignorant. I have a responsibilty. We have a responsibilty as the body of Christ. It seems so simple to me. Some people have. Some people don't have. If those who have, could just help one person who doesn't have, then we would all have. Simple, right? A favorite quote of mine is, "God gave the world riches, but he left it up to us to divy up the loot." And I know some of you who are thinking in terms of the economy and Wall St. and all that....that this is just too simple and it wouldn't work cause we need rich people to spend lots of money on frivilous things so money can be circulated and jobs can be created. But I don't think that we're gonna care about all those things in the end. We are just passing through here, on the way to our real home. Anyway...I had a wonderful time being with all these lovely ladies and seeing Jesus shine through, in all of their faces and souls. Even with all the hard questions, I do have faith and that gives birth to a calm waiting, a waiting of God's ultimate promise to all of his children.

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...Don't search for answers, which could not be given to you now, because you could not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, some day in the future, you will without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." ~Ranier Maria Rilke